Anyway, I've started a private journal to express my screwed up left and right feelings, so my blogs shall FOREVER MORE... Become more erracticly posted.
After all, it IS my life as I choose to disclose it.
Later, people with too much time on their hands.
Peace
Ozmosis 8)
P.S. Read my cursor text. It's true. I am not kidding. I really, truely care about her. Dude. :!:
Hey. I haven't blogged in awhile, but I don't have to fucking impress you.
Anyway, life sucks. Maybe my title gave that away? If you don't think the title gave it away, get your brain checked dumbass!
See, it's like this, I have decided to stop pursuing Kayla in lieu of Mandy. If you don't know what lieu means, it means I want to be with Mandy again. Unfortunatly, I'm stupid. I've already screwed up. Alright, so on thursday, at Airbands, I made a stupid dumb comment that I regreted from the moment I said it. This got Mandy pissed at me right away. I tried to apologize, but the damage was done. We were sitting next to each other, but after I opened my big, fat mouth and said stupid comment, Mandy shifted away from me and left a space, which Becky (Insight friend) sat in. I didn't really care at that point 'cause I was feeling depressed anyway. However, and here is where the shit hits the fan, Kayla came and sat on the other side of me, and I, already feeling sad, reached out anything to make me feel accepted and liked, plus I needed arm room, and I put my arm around Kayla. mandy noticed this and it really upset her, as in upset her even more. Of course, now I feel like crap cause of what I did.
I really care about Mandy. I haven't been able to get her out of my head since Thursday. And I'm afraid that I've screwed up everything. I am trying to write her a note to apologize, which is a last resort as I want to apologize in person, but I don't know what to say.
I am going to school on Monday to try to talk to her, and I hope I can make things right. Jeez, I'm stupid. Christ, I'm sorry, Mandy.
Who's stupid? Me. Who do I want to be with and is the most beautiful girl in the world? Mandy.
Look up. Shameless flattery. Shameless cause it's true! Bam!
Well, that's all. Oh yeah. Life Sucks!! It always does when Mandy's mad at me.
The most that occurred on this most normal of normal days, was simply this: I went to school first thing in the morning to see Kayla, and follow her around all day. I should join stalkers anonoumous. There is a seriously, fivr metre leash there, I'm telling you. Anyway, I saw her between classes and at morning and lunch and on the bus ride home after rehearsal. Gee, I'm getting ahead of myself. I have yet to describe what I did during classes when Kayla was out of reach.
Yeah, I mainly hung around in the hall making sexual inneundo with Mandy and whoever else was around. I is already forgetting. I also witnessed a round of crotch hockey between Mal and Jade. You might be asking yourself, "What the mother Fu*$^@&$*%&^#&**# $&*%^$*#*$ %&#&$*%&#*$ is #&%^&%*# crotch hockey? Well... Crotch hockey is a game played by two ppl and a fuck. For more info, as I don't know if they want to spread the rules, ask malibu87, or jadeybaby, or even mikara. Back to the Batcave... I mean day... Right... Day. I also read and caught up on my friends blogs in the computer laboratory. Last period I did much the same. This time, however, I was wild and unpredicable, Reading blogs in the *drum roll* LIBRARY!!! I was there cause Kayla had a library class. Who's a stalker? I am. Not. I just really like her. And, Kayla, yes, your FUCKING DAMN WELL WORTH IT!!!!! I win.
Rehearsal sucked. all of us 'cept darling Ari were terribly unenergetic. An' I kept forgetting lines. We'll do better next time. We have to. The show is soon.
All right. The bus ride. It was me, Kayla, Erica, and Mal. We got on the bus, and this stalker guy who was Mal-crazy that we met at a bus stop was on the bus and Mal was hiding for about five minutes, until she stopped caring and went all loud. Lots of jokes. I think. I really can't remember that well. Then Kayla and I walked Mal home to further make sure she is all right.
That is about all that is interesting. Kayla is interesting. And conclusivly snuggable. Later.
Peace (I thinking bout Kayla)
Ozmosis 8)
P.S. Kayla. KAYLA. KAYLA!!! You're always on my mind. Cause you're way too worth it. The only problem being, I can never be worth you.
Okay, I have been really busy and my dad has been an ass, so I haven't blogged in awhile.
If you want an update of anything interesting that's happened since my last blog, 'cept for today, check malibu87's blog.
So today I went in to school to see Kayla, cause she's worth it and more and I discovered all this stuff that's been going on. And, for the first time, I feel keeping my nose out of it might help more then interfering. All my times of helping have been when I feel like crap too, and therefore, I relate to people. But today I was in a good mood and attempts to help would have floundered quite majesticly.
So, all I did, pretty much was stray no further then 5 metres from Kayla when she was out of class, there's an invisible leash (Ya know what? No leash. I just really like her). Ya, we went to the mall and tim hortons and she bought me a doughnut and I'm going to pay her back, whether she likes it or not and her mom gave me a ride home.
Lion King 1 1/2 isn't very good. Maybe better if watched with anyone.
I am not going into detail and being very grammatically incorrect and speedy (gonzalas) cause I'm on a time limit. And reading all my friends blogs took more then half of the time.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!!!
To all of my friends, I'm always here to listen and be a shoulder to cry on. When you need one. That's what I'm for.
To Mal, I'm sorry. I didn't know that I was causing you to hurt. If you ever want to kill me, either tell me to shup up and go away or kill me. I know how some people (guy one) can be oblivious and insensitive at times. To know that I am too bugs me, and I apoligize for ever being a prick or an ass or both. Plus, if I am not one of they mentioned guys in your blog and am just completely stupid and unable to read between lines, then the previous apology stands anyway. Even if I am being really conceited about my own importance.
That's it. Time's up. Later.
Peace
Ozmosis 8)
P.S. Kayla, no french and be happy, I posted. That's all folks...
Yo. S'up. It's me, I think. Anyway, here is my day. Hey, a rhyme. It's about time. I'm a poet, and didn't even know it.
Alright, so today started with me skipping breakfast and having no money to buy food with. All I had for my own self-spending was $1.50. And I saved that for a bottle of PepsiŽ during rehearsal after school.
The morning was boring for the most part. During last period before lunch, Kayla dragged me to the next year courses fair in the gym, where I discovered an annoying photo of me on display for the co-op booth. The only other especially interesting part of the whole affair, besides Kayla, was I got to listen to 99 red balloons. Damn, I love that song. At lunch I managed to mooch some of the cheese pizza Kayla had for lunch. She made it last night. Then I had to go upstairs and buy one last rose to be delivered tomorrow. Ya see, at my school, the drama council sells roses every February for Valentine's Day (Bunch of softies. I love you ALL!!) to be delivered with a self-written message on the closest school day to Valentine's. In the middle of almost starting to write my message (No, I'm not telling you the rose is for, I'm sure s/he will find out eventually) the fire alarm went off. I'm standing in the foyer in my T-shirt and the fire alarm goes off!! So, unable to finish or even start my message, I'm herded outside into the cold, on the opposite side of the school from where my friends are and it's cold. I began my journey to the far side of the school to hang out with my friends in the cold, plus movement keeps one warmer. I just got to the other side and am about to discover the location of my friends outdoor whereabouts, when, BAM, the bell rings for everyone to go back inside. Wasted effort much. So everyone gets inside just in time to go to class leaving me almost alone in the basement hall. However, much to my suprise, the fun was just about to begin. The others in the basement with me were Mandy and Charlyn (Jeez, I hope I got that right). Anyway, I'm not quite sure how it started, but after singeing a couple basement items Charlyn and I ended up crazy-tickling Mandy (Who's extremly ticklish) for about five minutes, after which they turned on me (I'm signifigantly more ticklish) and tickled me to the floor. Right after me, Mandy and I spent about ten minutes trying to catch Charlyn to tickle her. We succeeded and tickled her for awhile. Then Mandy and Charlyn started on tickling me again, but, having such self-control, I only laughed slightly and smiled but, I walked over to my locker and they couldn't make me fall again. Following the ticklefest, we sat around and just beat on each other. Mandy smashed my shin and, arm (several times) with a metal lock, and bit me once. I just tickled her and won. I spent the rest of the afternoon just sitting doing pretty much nothing. Charlyn left to go to class or something. And Mal then came down and sat with us. It ended up being me sitting cross-legged against the wall, with Mal lying down on her back in front of me resting her head on my legs, with Mandy resting her head on Mal's stomach. We just made sexual innuendos 'till school ended.
After which we had a productive rehearsal, with many laughs. Especially with Ari messing up his lines the same way about four times, when he had to leave right away. "Oh, you're talking about... Right. I tought you were talking about something else. The buses are leaving." *says overly-fast* *zips off stage*
That's about it. Boring, kinda. Untill writting this blog. Write later.
Hey, i've got to keep this short today as I am on time constrictions. :roll:
Anyway, today was pretty good. I apoligized to Colin and we're friends again. He proved to be the first person to get me to play another game besides vice city and enjoy it. Anywhat, I was paid a dollar by Colin today to kiss my bud Geoff. :? Being easy money and me being open, we did it, no problemo. The great part was it was in front of a bunch of little kids who were at the school to see a drama presentation. To scar them further, Geoff and Andrew played the penis game and Geoff, Andrew, and I played "Rape Sarah" while Colin watched. :lol: He seems to like to watch. Hmmm...
Anywho, we then watched the drama thingie put on for the kids, and do to mess-ups on stage, about half of the whole thing was improved, making it hilarious. Especially the puppet play written about Trog Dor The Burninator. :twisted:
Anywhen, I got home after a productive and extremely humourus rehearsal and called Kayla 'cause she wasn't at school today and I was worried. Turns out she was just sick. Whew. So we talked about whatever for two hours (with me constantly coming on to her :wink: ) until I was kicked off the phone. Stupid dad. :evil:
Anywhere, she told me to write a blog, so there it is. A vastly summarized explaination of my daily adventures. :D
Peace
Ozmosis 8)
Dedicated to: Kayla, who never seems to get enough of my life to read. lol. Catch ya later, Kooshkins. :wink:
Hey, if any of you out there are bored enough to keep up with all my blogs and comments that I post, you'll understand this. For the rest, I guess a summary is in order. In the attempt to raise someone's spirits (Sarah's, to be precise), I inadvertantly offended Colin, by making it sound that our entire group of friends dislikes him. This has led to his self-isolation and Mal being pissed at me.
I cannot apologize for what I wrote, for it was written for Sarah to make her realize people out there care. What I can apologize for is my rash and more than likely incorrect thoughts on Colin's character. I don't know him well, and will most likely enjoy his company more as time passes. Of course, for this to happen he needs to come out of isolation first. If he doesn't want to, I completely understand. Also I worded the comment to Sarah slighty incorrectly. I don't have the slightest clue on whether or not the rest of the group likes Colin, only my own preliminary observations on such. From what I can tell they all like you fine and dandy, Colin. It's just that I don't know you well enough yet. I tend to start liking people when I understand how they think. I don't know how you think yet. Only continous exposure to your personality will allow me to learn. Of course, you probably have no desire to talk or see me, and I understand that. I'm just sorry that I didn't have the courage to tell you straight out. This is no excuse, but the reason I didn't tell you was to gain continous exposures and correlate the data into an understanding of how you think. If you read this before I can talk to you in person, it is because I haven't yet had the chance to talk to you, in person. I am sorry.
Mal, I realize that I have no right to judge whether or not Colin is good enough for you, and I'm sorry for upsetting you, but my blog is where I express my inner thoughts and all who read it do so at their own risk.
As soon as I have the tbucks, I'm putting up a disclaimer that says that.
Okay, I'm bored, so I'm going to throw this wonderful survey out to the net folks for all to read. Enjoyjoy. :D
I n f o r m a t i o n 1. name: Chris B. 2. single or taken: single 3. sex: Male 4. birthday: Jan.5 1985 (Capricorn) 6. siblings: 1 sister, 1 brother 7. hair color: bleached blonde with dark roots 8. eye color: green 9. shoe size: 10 10. height: 5'10"
r e l a t i o n s h i p s 1. who are your best friends?: Kayla, Andrew, Steve, Mal, Jade, Mandy, Sarah 2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No... Damn.
f a s h i o n | s t u f f 1. where is your favorite place to shop: Shop...? 2. any tattoos or piercings: No, I'm clean.
s p e c i f i c s 1. do you do drugs?: no 2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Head and Shoulders 3. what are you most scared of?: life 5. who is the last person that called you?: Andrew 6. where do you want to get married?: Wherever, provided it's for love. 7. how many buddies are online right now?: 0 8. what would you change about yourself?: Be less emotional, and, therefore, less depressed.
f a v o r i t e s 1. color: green 2. food: anything italian (Pizza especially) 3. boys names: David and Jacen 4. girls names: Emily and Amanda 5. subjects in school: Drama 6. animals: Rabbits and Golden Retrievers 7. sports: Bowling
h a v e | y o u | e v e r 1. given anyone a bath?: Jeez, no! 2. smoked?: For two days. 3. bungee jumped?: Unfortunatly, no. 4. made yourself throw up?: I tried, for fun. It didn't work. 5. skinny dipped?: Wouldn't like to know... 6: ever been in love?: I don't know 7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: No, too much of a man. 8. pictured your crush naked?: Your point? 9. actually seen your crush naked?: Your business? 10. cried when someone died?: only someone heartless wouldn't 11. lied: who hasn't? 12. fallen for your best friend?: yup 13. been rejected?: definitely 14. rejected someone?: I'm not sure... 15. used someone?: no 16. done something you regret?: Only to much...
c u r r e n t clothes: PJ's music: Celtic and Trance make-up: No, only on stage annoyance: Stupid people smell: None I know of... favorite group: None desktop picture: Clouds (Not my choice) book youre reading: Speaker For The Dead cd in player: DJ Tiesto Trance Mix dvd in player: Rocky Horror Picture Show (Sarah's copy) color of toenails: um... Nail colour?
l a s t | p e r s o n you touched: My mom hugged: Steve you imed: No one you yelled at: Mandy... you kissed: Geoff... For money.
a r e | y o u understanding: I try open-minded: Oh yeah! arrogant: When I feel like it insecure: When I feel like it interesting: You tell me random: Yup. Thanx Andrew. hungry: I'm always hungry smart: Occasionally moody: Often hard working: If I like the subject, yes organized: hell no! healthy: I'm probably the most unhealthy person in Canada... shy: Not anymore difficult: off and on attractive: I'd like to think so bored easily: Depends on whether you're stupid or not messy: Kinda responsible: if I have to be obsessed: Obsessively angry: Not often. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...
w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a kill: i dont have the urge to murder right now... slap: Good or bad slap? look like: I like me talk to offline: Kayla talk to online: No one. I refuse to become an MSN whore
r a n d o m in the morning i am: Crabby all i need is: Kayla love is: Good and bad i dream about: Everything
o p p o s i t e | s e x what do you notice first: Booty last person you slow danced with: I don't know worst question to ask: Any touchy subject makes you laugh the most: Andrew and Kayla makes you smile: Kayla who do you have a crush on: ...Kayla *sighs* who has a crush on you: I don't know. Nobody tells me anything.
d o | y o u | e v e r sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: No. Not im or MSN whore. save conversations: Nope. wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: No. I like my penis wish you were younger: Come on I'm legal. (19) cried because someone said something to you?: Hmmmm...
N u m b e r of times i have had my heart broken: in the sense of been dumped, 1 of hearts i have broken: in the sense of dumping someone, 1 of guys ive kissed: 2 of girls ive kissed: 3 of continents i have lived in: 1 of tight friends: 7? of cds i own: around 9 of scars on my body: 3
F i n a l | q u e s t i o n s 1. do you like fillings these out?: sure... Why not... 5. gold or silver: Both 6. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: Butterfly Effect! 7. favorite cartoon/anime? Family Guy 8. what did you have for breakfast this morning? Scrambled eggs on toast with ketchup and bacon. And a glass of milk. 10. who would you love being locked in a room with? Kayla? 11. could you live without your computer? Not anymore 12. would you color your hair? It is currently bleached 13. could you ever get off the computer? I can quit whenever I want 14. habla espanol? Yo queiro Taco Bell? 15. how many people are on your buddy list? 0 16. drink alcohol? not often
Alright, I'm back. Sorry about the sudden ending last time, but my dad's an asshole.
Anyway, continuing on. After seeing Kayla off on the bus, I went to Andrew's so we could go bowling. I thought it would be just me, Andrew, Katie, Erica, Matt, and Lynn (Jade's mom. Jade couldn't go 'cause she's grounded. mean mom, huh?). But to my suprise, Steve was to accompany us. And to my chagrin, Colin was to accompany us. He's an okay kid. I just need to get used to him. Anyway, we bowled, and did terribly for must of it. My highest score was 141. :wink: But we did win several prizes from one of those coin-operated claw-grabby machines. Several ducks and bears and seals. We almost got a SpongeBob doll, :roll: but it was just out of reach after the first attempt.
Following the bowling experience, Steve, Andrew, and I shoveled Andrew's driveway (Matt didn't help, 'cause he's a sissy). I came home, shoveled more and wrote the last blog. That's it. Boring, huh? Oh well. More announcements (Blogs) as events unfold.
Hey, I'm back. I know I said I'd write a blog every day, but, unfortunely, my life appears too be busy and boring at the same time.
Also, I have realized that I never told any of you people much about me. I'm 19 and in my last year of high school. I am also mucho into drama, or as it's called in college, theatre arts. I am, apparently, funny and well liked. I also seem to be good at helping my friends with their problems. Let's see... What else... Ah, religon. I am gnostic. Just gnostic, not agnostic or egnostic or whatever that is. Overall I think I'm a pretty cool guy. 8)
All right, about my days. Yesterday, Friday, I got up mondo early to go into school and see Kayla off on her class trip to Montreal for the day. Even if I didn't have to go in to the school during the day to get a teacher section of my college application filled in, I would have gone in anyway, just to see her. I had planned to just see her off, get the section filled in, and go home to sleep until after school when I would go over to hang out with everyone at Andrew's. However, Mal guilt-tripped me into hanging out all day at school with her boyfriend, Colin, who came in to see her, as he is expelled. At one point, Mandy borrowed my Zippo, and jokingly refused to return it. It was funny for a while, but I really don't like having my own property withheld from me, even if it is a joke. So at one point, I proclaimed "Fuck. Give me my fucking lighter!" I was peeved at her for the rest the afternoon. Likewise, she was pissed at me for getting angry over a "joke". I still think, however, that I was in the right to be upset at my stuff being kept from me. Just a note, I'm a packrat, I never throw anything out if I think it might someday be useful, as well, I get attached to inanimate objects easily, i.e. my Zippo. Otherwise, Colin and I just hung out all day going around to the school's surrounding malls and stores.
After school, Mal, Colin, Jade, Andrew, Katie (Andrew's sister), and I went, as I predicted, to Andrew's house to hang out. Mal had to leave before five, so Colin went to the door with her, planning to walk her home, when Andrew, being so wonderfully ignorant, followed them to the door and would have gotten everyone to walk Mal home, but I managed to cut him off at the pass and point out to him that Colin and Mal would prefer to walk alone together. Whoa... Long sentence. Anyway we planned to go bowling the next day, Saturday, and Colin needed to sleep over so he could go. Which ment I couldn't sleep over. So after a few more hours of hanging out, I went back home at nine. But just as I was leaving, Kayla called. My parents are strict with curfew, so I dispensed with pleasantries and inquired, "When the hell am I going to see you again?" She was, I think, a little put-off, because I seemed to sound angry. Either way, we made quick plans for her to come over on Saturday, before I went bowling and she went babysitting, to watch Season Three of Family Guy on DVD. After this, I ran home to make curfew and ask permission if she could come over. I had to run because if I was late, the answer would me no. Luckily, I made it on time and got the much-desired permission. Went to bed. End of day.
On saturday, I got up, shaved and showered before Kayla arrived at noon. I needed to shave because I have naturally really dark and thick hair which is currently really bleached blonde. This means that stubble looks inherently wrong on me. I needed to shower because my hair is also long and needs constant upkeep, plus I need to keep my cleanest around others. So, Kayla arrived around noon and showed off her recently purchased Zippo (great to be a role model with my two Zippos!). After the show-and-tell, we just sat in my room watching the DVD's. At one point, my mom came in to see if Kayla was hungry or thirsty (she didn't ask me 'cause she knows I'll just go eat whenever I'm hungry, without prompting.) As it turned out she was (she had been craving any food we saw on the TV) and, therefore, my mom criticized my hosting skills. After food, she had to leave to catch her bus. I walked her to the bus stop and waited with her. She gave me a hug before she got on the bus. I hope she's getting over Geoff. Then I went bowling. I'd continue, but my dad wants me off the 'puter. Later.
Okay, this is my first time blogging up the net/tiolet, so I'll just do what my friends (blogxperts) do. That being write about my day. 8)
Anyway, I had to go into school today to register for college (theatre arts, woot woot), and I dicovered, much to my sarcastic suprise, that I still needed to run around like a decapitated chicken first. I've been trying to apply for two days now and am only now making progress.
While there, God started to shit on my life again. Jeez, I'm colourful... Anyway, I hung out with my ex, Mandy, all afternoon, which is the God-shitty part as I still care for her, but we can't be together because of her insanely crazy family. Being so distracted, i wasn't thinking much and when she asked to be dropped on her head I stupidly over-obliged, thus she was out of it for the rest of the day and probably has a slight concussion. so I feel really craptacular for that and plan to apoligize to her (even though she's not angry) the next time I see her.
After that, I had Sears fest rehearsal and due to some other issues, wasn't Mr. Sunshine there either. Issue one is I disaprove of a pseudo-relationship going on in Insight Theatre (a teen sexual health acting troupe of which I'm a member) between Geoff and Angie. Geoff is also in the Sears fest so I am slightly peeved when he's around. Issue two is that one of the Sears fest stage assistants, Kayla (I know it's unofficial, but face it, you're in), is a girl I like but can't have, as she is still getting over her relationship with Geoff. Yes, the same Geoff. Bastard. Holy crap, he's two thirds of my introvertedness of late. Bastard. I like him okay, but he can be a... you guessed it... a Bastard. Issue three would be residual jealousy over my other ex, Malissa, and her new boyfriend, Colin. It just bugs me, and I don't know why, that she is in a relationship when I'm not. Yes Mal, I know that's selfish of me, but I'm a Bastard too. Plus, and as an ex-boyfriend, this is my progative, I don't think he's good enough for her. But chances are that I'll never think anyone is good enough for her, so I've keep my mouth shut. Until now. Jeez, I hope this doesn't upset Mal. In any way.
After saying stupid things on the bus home, and upsetting Mal (Christ, Mal, I'm sorry :( ), Andrew(My best friend), Kayla and I arrived at his house to discover that it was a people-free night. Created by Lynn, the mother of Jade (another friend), who is house-sitting while Andrews parents are in Florida. So Kayla came back to my house and we rifled thru some old yearbooks for a half-hour until her mom picked her up. My mom and Kayla's mom are old high school friends so they reminised for a minute, and apparently my mom anti-thrilled Kayla with remarks pertaining to the apparent (I don't see it) mother-daughter resemblance. I really don't see it. Kayla is much too beautiful to look much like her mom. Kayla, I know your fuming/flattered, but I only speak the Truth.
Anyboats, Kayla called me about an hour after she left to ask why I've been anti-social and cranky lately (see above reasons), we talked and I feel much better now. And Kayla and I have decided we must one day fufill our dreams of watching Family Season Three (On DVD) and Chicago.
Ya know, thats about it. If I've forgotten anything important, I'm sure someone can yell/remind me of it tomorrow :wink: .
